#17: A Valentine's Day Special
Not a typical Valentine's day post; my thoughts on love
My Dearest,
Valentine’s day is right around the corner, and while I don’t want this to be a typical Valentine’s day post, I do want to share with you 5 thoughts about love. So regardless of whether you are single, in a relationship or kinda in between the two, I hope reading this reminds you that love is such a celebratory emotion.
1) No love is EVER wasted love
Ever loved someone and the relationship didn’t work out? Had a close friendship that fell out? Felt like you spent so much time on that person for nothing? I am such a strong believer that no love is EVER wasted love. For however long or short something or someone lasted, they reminded you of the beauty of love, they gave you several occasions to marvel in love, to celebrate it and to cherish it. They gave you a reason (not that we ever need one) to express love and for love to express itself through you. For me, that in itself is a phenomenon worth cherishing.
2) There IS such a thing as tough love
In my opinion, the purest expression of love is when love doesn’t hesitate to be tough on you. When love doesn’t hesitate to show you that you are wrong. When love doesn’t hesitate to remind you that you are falling short of your potential. When love takes decisions with only your best interests at heart, even if what follows immediately might upset you, anger you and offend you. When love doesn’t care if you would love love any less because of this. When love only cares about what is best for you.
My father never hesitates to correct me when he knows that I can be better. His one liner is always “I would rather you hear it from me and be upset about hearing it from me, than you hear it from the world outside.”
My Amma is my biggest critic; always brutally honest with me - there is never sugar coating, covering facts to pacify me or make me feel ‘better.’ She will state things as is, act as my most unflinching mirror to reflect me to me, without a single distortion.
I am tough on myself - I don’t give myself any choice or space for excuses when it comes to my non-negotiables. If I have made a commitment to myself I will honour it, period.
I truly believe ‘tough’ love, be it through a loved one or in your own acts of self-love, is one of the the most genuine expressions of love. If you have this in your life, consider it an immense blessing.
3) If love cant fix it then God can’t fix it either
This is something that I am learning and imprinting within me, that if love cannot solve something, no power in this universe can solve it. In love alone miracles manifest.
4) Recognising love languages
Everybody’s way of expressing love is hugely different. Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved doesn’t mean that they are an un-loving person. It just means that their love language is different from yours, their way of expressing love is different from yours.
For me, this learning has taught me 2 big things:
(i) Taking the effort to understand how someone wants to be loved goes a long way!
and (ii) Being receptive enough to recognise the different love languages of others or even just acknowledging that there exists different love languages in different people, makes me realise that love lives in abundance around us.
One very significant love language for me is holding the people that I love and cherish in my prayers; praying for them to have an abundance of everything that brings them joy, praying for them to be healthy and happy, praying for them to be safe wherever they are… Whilst this might not be a love language that my loved ones can see, just acknowledging that there exists different love languages, allows them to feel this love that I hold for them.
5) The people you love are not eternal, but love is eternal
My maternal grandpa (Thatha) was the most contagiously cheerful and unapologetically happy person ever. His happiness was so transferable that just being around him would significantly lift anybody’s mood. To me he was love in human form. Over the years I’ve come to realise that, while he is no longer with us in this physical world, his love continues to live with us. His reverberating laughter, the way he would enter home singing tadatada tadatada, how much he loved ice-creams; mango bar and choco bar and how he never needed a reason to celebrate life. These memories keep reminding me to be an ocean of love, to continually celebrate and cherish love, to remember that people are not eternal, but love is; and in celebrating love we are keeping a part of them eternally alive within us.
One last thing
Before I sign off today, I wanted to share with you a story that reminds me to be unconditional and selfless in my love.
The story (summarised version) goes that one day Lord Krishna pretended to have an unbearable headache, and word spread that the only cure to his headache was “The dust from the feet of those who love Him should be placed on His head”
In fear of going to hell if they placed the dust from their feet on Lord Krishna’s head (in fear that doing this would be considered a sin) nobody who claimed to love Krishna, willed to help cure his headache.
Except Radha (a profound lover of Krishna). When she heard about the cure for Krishna’s headache she acted without second thought and offered the dust from her feet. She didn’t even pause to think about what consequences this would have for her.
Somehow, this story leaves me with goosebumps every time I think about the underlying message behind it. To love is to be dissolved into one another. To love is to be selfless and unconditional.
That’s all for this week my dearest readers. Sending my love and hugs your way. I hope reading this newsletter reminds you in some way or the other that love worthy and deserving of celebration.
With warmth and wonder,
Vaishnavi
From the table of Masala Puff Moments, a newsletter.
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wait… drop by and say hi?
I’m Vaishnavi Radhakrishnan, a management trainee in a business that I love, a poet, a writer and a 23 year old figuring out her space in this world. I love admiring bougainvilleas, being by the ocean, and buying jibbitz for my purple crocs.
Truly inspiring. God bless you for ever